Relationships Matter

Dear 8th Grader,

You’ve heard the saying, “You are the company you keep.” The more you spend time with people, the more you adopt the traits of those around you. There are some relationships that come without choice, but there are also relationships you choose to keep. Whether it’s with your parents, friends, teachers, or yourself, relationships matter.

It All Begins with Relationships

I loved the curiosity you showed in 6th grade. I remember how excited you were to learn about the history of Alcatraz. I remember being out on the trail when we had to come back quickly because of a bear! You led us back to the school with a shortcut. None of you were scared but I was inwardly freaking out! I still share the story we created about that event.

Being your teacher was fun, and you showed me that you liked having a say about what you were learning and I kept that in mind for 7th grade ELA & SS because relationships matter.

Some of you struggled to start or to finish something. No one had held you to the finish line until 6th grade. It’s amazing to me to see how much you’ve grown today. Not just in height, but in maturity.

I am proud of all of you whether I have known you since sixth grade or have just met you this past year.

As you leave 8th grade, I hope you reflect on the relationships you have kept these last three years in middle school.

Think about who helped you move forward? Who was fun to laugh with? Who was there when you were feeling low? How did you help those around you as well?

What traits will you take with you to high school to make sure you are surrounded by healthy relationships?

Relationships with Parents & Guardians

The first relationships you form are usually with your parents or guardians. As you finish up this year, reflect on the importance of your relationship with them. You don’t get to choose who your parents are, but we are here to guide you.

We won’t always get it right, we try to show up to every parent conference, sign every permission slip, pay for your sports, pay for your teeth to get fixed, but we are still human and we lose our tempers. We are impatient. We can be wrong!

No matter what, we parents and guardians want the best for you. We want to see you pursue your dreams. We want to see you graduate high school. We want to see you happy and healthy. We want you to do better than we ever did.

Parents Get Scared Too!

As you move on to high school, we’re a little scared. We are scared you will choose friends who get you in trouble or put you in dangerous positions or situations. We are scared how quickly you have grown up and how quickly you are moving on without our help. We miss the little you. We miss the relationship we used to have.

But we also look forward to what relationships we form with you as you grow into the adult you will become. We hope you will remember that we are always for you.

We can’t protect you from everything. We know you need to grow in your independence, but we still want to know what is going on in your world to support you. We want to have game nights and pizza nights. We want to comfort you in heartbreaks even if sometimes we make it worse because we say the wrong thing.

As you go into high school, you are going to experience things that are wonderful and scary. Please know that if you ever find yourself in a situation where you feel unsafe, we want you to call us because your life means everything.

Your relationship with your parents is more important now than ever before. Never think you can’t come to us. Never think we wouldn’t fight a grizzly for you.

My Relationship with My Dad

One of the most important conversations I had with my dad when I was 15 and my parents were breaking up. I had to ask him if he was going to stick around. He wasn’t my biological father, but he was the only dad I’d ever known. I was afraid when my parents divorced that the only shot I had at having a dad was gone.

So one night, I asked to talk to him and I shared my fears of him leaving me behind. He assured me it never crossed his mind to stop being my dad.

We both cried that night, and I had twenty more years in a closer relationship with him.

We Don’t Always Know What To Say

Parents don’t always know how to communicate, even though you’d think we’d be experts. It’s okay to speak up and express yourself. If I have taught you anything these past couple of years, I hope it’s that you can and should advocate for yourself (respectfully).

I hope you grow closer to your parents or guardians in these next few years.

I hope you are open and honest with them. If you don’t have a healthy relationship with them, I hope you find an adult you can trust, like your teachers.

Relationships With FRIENDS

In the last 20 years that I’ve been an educator, I think the top answer of why students enjoy school the most, or show up on days they feel the worst…is friends.

Look around you, you might be sitting next to your best friend right now. You might not be going to the same high school as them. Tonight might feel bittersweet. That means you are enjoying every minute with your friends now, but already feel sad that you won’t be seeing them daily next year. Your feelings are valid.

As much as it hurts to know that some of your friends are going to be on a different path next year, it might also feel exciting that you will make new friends.

Middle school was the most awkward time of my life. High school meant new and more friends for me. Maybe some of you are looking for a fresh start.

You might even hope there are more accepting people where you are going. However you feel, it is okay.

I really hope you make true friends. I still stay in contact with my high school friends. We may not live near each other, but we will always be there for one another. I learned about unconditional love from them.

Choosing Friends Who Have Your Back

When it comes to friends, I hope you choose wisely. If you feel or see those red flags, you don’t have to stay in unhealthy friendships.

True friends might roast you, Ms. Bonertz and I roast each other every time we see each other. Ms. Wesley and I are able to be super honest with each other (and sometimes that makes us laugh even if it hurts to hear the truth). Ms. Hayden and I support and inspire each other’s work. Basically, with my closest friends, we listen and we don’t judge! Haha!

Friendships should feel like they lift you up more than anything. I’ve had “friends” who made fun of me and it felt uncomfortable. I’ve had “friends” who didn’t have my back even when I had theirs. Over time, I learned not to feed those relationships. They were not worth my time and emotions when it felt like they were constantly bringing me down.

With true friends, you can have hard conversations and heal. Those hard conversations usually bring you closer.

With fake friends, you are never quite sure if you can count on them. With fake friends, you often give way more than you ever received. With fake friends, often your brain and heart are trying to warn and protect you, make sure to listen to yourself.

Don’t be a fake friend. Be the friend you want to have.

A real friend won’t use you for their gain. A real friend will cheer you on and be happy for your wins and comfort you when you are down. A real friend doesn’t put you down so they feel better about themselves. A real friend won’t put you in a dangerous position and leave you.

If you want that kind of friendship, be that kind of friend.

For those of you who are excited at the prospect of having a friend like that for the first time, it can definitely happen in high school.

Teacher Relationships Matter, Too!

We teachers will remember you for a long time. Some of you we remember because of your loudness. Some of you were unbelievably sweet and model students. Some of you we barely knew because you never felt comfortable enough to share parts of yourself that others share so easily. That’s okay! It’s all a learning process.

I guarantee you that even if you spent a lot of time in detention, your teachers still care about you. As your former teacher, I remember the best of you. I want you to be successful. I want you to see a problem and feel confident enough to offer a solution, even if it doesn’t work.

I want you to make mistakes that you learn from.

In middle school and high school, and if I’m being honest, in college, I was fixated on making perfect grades. It was such a waste of emotions.

As your former teacher, I truly want you to know that your growth means more than your grades. Grades won’t impact you as much as your growth does. When you face your mistakes, whether academic or personal, and come back better, that is the kind of learning that stays with you for life.

Making it a priority to grow is what helps you face your fears. When you get your first job, the growth through mistakes will make you a valuable employee. It can also help you become an empathetic leader.

My fear as your teacher is that the time we spent together had little impact. I’m hoping you might see yourself as a reader and writer. I hope you remember due process, think our mock trial…but mostly, I hope you remember that your place in our community matters.

Don’t Forget Our Time Together!

For nine months, we spent multiple hours a day together. I probably made you mad, stressed you out, or pushed too hard. Please know that no matter if we butted heads or got along perfectly, I remember the best version of you. I smile when I think of how hard fifth and sixth periods were and how much I grew as a teacher, how much I learned from you that has made me a better educator.

In high school, you will have new teachers. You might not be thrilled at that thought, but there is no way out of it.

Surprise them with respect. If you keep an open mind, you can learn a lot from them…even if it’s what not to do!!

In my freshman year of ELA with Mrs. Riesinger, I decided I wanted to be a teacher. From her class and throughout high school, when I had the choice of what to write, I researched education. I joined a future teachers of America club.

Relationships with teachers can be more than you think. I am friends with some of my former teachers and former students! It might have happened years after I was in their class or they were in mine, but when people leave a positive mark on your life like mine did, they are worth keeping in your life.

Another reason to strive for positive teacher relationships is because you might need them to write a recommendation for a class, program, or scholarship. My former student Chris, who I had in fifth grade, asked me his junior year to write a recommendation for an architectural class that was very competitive to get into for his senior year. It was easy for me to do that for Chris, because even as a young person, he loved learning and strived to do his best. He got into that class, by the way.

My fourth grade math teacher, Mrs. Gower, bought my children’s book to support me a few years ago. She is the reason I know my multiplication tables, why I like my teacher style, and why I used to be obsessed with shoes.

A good teacher will listen when you advocate for yourself, but if you find yourself with a teacher who is hard to like, surprise them with respect and remember with an open mind you can still learn from them.

I will always be cheering for you, or crying with you, but supporting you for sure.

The Relationship with Yourself

The last kind of relationship I want to share about, and probably the most important relationship you will ever have, is with yourself.

Learn from my mistakes and find a way to love yourself well before you hit middle age.

Learn to love your curly hair, crooked smile, dimple, weird laugh, or whatever it is about you that makes you unique. It might be one of those things that you currently dread about yourself.

You are the only you that will ever be. If you spend your life taking care of that person, you will not have wasted your time here on this earth.

You are precious. You are worthy of love, of empathy, of forgiveness. Sometimes the person we are hardest on is ourselves. Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is ourselves.

I hope you will find hobbies, fuel your brain, and feel hopeful about your future, but mostly, I hope you learn to love yourself for all that you are. I, along with so many others, am so glad for your life. I will always cherish that for a short while our lives intersected.