I made the mistake of trying to play the wrong melody. For weeks I’ve tried to write but the words just clash with the message I want to share. The tunes have all been forced, alien, abrasive….
This morning I listened to my favorite pastor, Bryan Jarrett, give a message filled with grace. He used the story of how King David extended grace to his best friend’s crippled son, Mephibosheth. This man was also the grandson of King Saul, who did all he could to kill David. But Saul’s son, Jonathan, sacrificed his life for his best friend, David. Mephibosheth was offered a seat at David’s table, to have his inheritance restored, and to be part of his family. Not because he did anything to deserve it, but because of the grace his father’s sacrifice placed for him. He could have refused the King but why? Why would you refuse to sit at the King’s table? Why would you refuse restoration? He chose to accept the grace extended.
I chose to accept the grace extended to me, also. God knows these last few weeks how I’ve struggled in my own spirit, how I’ve failed in many of my roles, and how the words just stopped flowing. He extended the grace and I accepted. Why would I refuse such a sweet gift? It wasn’t offered because I deserved or earned it, the offer to let go and fall into grace was offered through the sacrifice that Jesus made for me.
After the message, we listened to music and I drank my coffee. This song “Testify” by the band Need To Breathe played and I wept.
As the words washed over me, it took me back to a year ago when we were struggling to put the pieces back together after my husband’s emergency heart surgery. This song was in my Tahoe as I drove to and from the hospital for weeks. It washed over me as I struggled to stay strong while my kids stayed with my sister, while I pumped for my six month old who wasn’t eating solid food and whom eventually had to stay with my sister, too. The song took me back to the tears of frustration for a trauma I had no thought of ever facing. There was just so much going on, complications and setbacks, frustration, but also I was filled with hope. It was an eternal hope being poured over me as family and friends prayed over us.
Today this song played and I heard the words clearly. I knew my Father was singing them for me. He began restoring us the minute my husband went into surgery, through his healing, through our new beginning in Alaska, and even today. Then He gave me words and my melody. But it’s a little different today, and that’s ok. To His ears, the melody rings true.
The floodgates opened and grace poured over me. Poured over all of my vanity. Poured out over my stubbornness. Poured over all the things that have kept me from reaching out to Him. Washed my heart thoroughly and put a new song in it.